Resilient Seeker Coaching | Ross Raymond Nunamaker

March had arrived and in my life that meant post-season wrestling. We had the regular season, which were the dual meets and more team focused and then the post season which was the individual tournament. You had to advance from districts to regionals to states.

My senior year goals were to win Districts and advance to States and then to place at States. I failed at all three. Not by much, I was leading with ten seconds left in the District finals I made a mistake and gave up four points, losing by two. I lost again by two points and took 4th at regionals and only the top 3 advanced to states. My consolation was that the last two people that beat me by two points each finished 3rd and 4th in states. So I was right there in skill just not on the podium.

We had a girl in her first year at states who was in the blood round, which determines who places and who goes home. She was winning by two with less than 30 seconds to go and went offensive and got taken down. She lost in overtime. The next year she again got to the blood round and this time she won and placed 5th and I was so happy for her to have the opportunity to make up for her mistake the year before.

It struck me harder as a coach than when it happened to me. I saw the effort and knew the heartbreak, but she was able to overcome it the next year. I remember telling her I made the same mistake, but at the same time, while I might do things differently based on that experience, I’ll never regret going for it. 

Goal setting is very popular in life. We are taught about setting goals when it comes to school, sports, money, work, and life in general.

We have numerous approaches and definitions. We are told to create SMART goals, these are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

We have stretch goals, these are bonuses after we meet the initial goals.

As a wrestling coach we are always talking about goals and we teach goal setting.

I’ve found that our general approach to goals is all wrong.

Our world is a fluid one. There is constant change. If everything is changing and your goal remains fixed you will be disappointed when you achieve your goal.

For example, if I get my first job and I am making $40,000, my goal might be to get a promotion and make $45,000 in the next three years, which is about a 12% raise and that might sound great. What if during those three years the cost of living increases 3.5% per year on average, the raise you thought was 12% is much less. By the end of the first year with the raise, year 4 overall, the COLA increase was 14%. You have less spending power than you did in the beginning.

Obviously this is very basic, but my point is that what looks good at the time, due to changes within and outside your control may not look as great when you achieve them, because you didn’t adjust for change as you went.

This is not to say you shouldn’t have goals, but it is a different approach to goals.

The value of the goal is to have direction and intention. It is to be iterative with small manageable tasks toward a goal and then to assess progress and reassess the goal.

The journey and progress toward the goal is the benefit, not a completion and what next?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t finish anything, what I am saying is that the finishing is a starting point, not an end point.

I’m focused on my health and well being, and right now my well being is predicated by relationships and profession.

By this I mean I need certain relationships and to tend to them and I have certain material needs that require a certain income that is derived through professional work.

These too will change, but in the end they are all pointing me toward living a life well lived.

Goals are important, but I believe too much focus has been placed on set in stone goal accomplishment, which is short-sighted, and not good for on-going personal development and well-being.

Using my framework, I have big picture goals that together bring me to a well lived life, and each day I make small strides, but I do it regularly and consistently.

What do you think?

Should goals be reset and reassessed or does that defeat the purpose of the goal?