Resilient Seeker Coaching | Ross Raymond Nunamaker

At the end of the day, yes, I had an incident. I considered myself fortunate that the people had called the ambulance and I got the immediate help I needed.

I thought I was doing alright otherwise. I had a job at the school, had benefits, had my summer off, was walking and playing racquetball. I knew my diet wasn’t so good. I pretty much ate when I was hungry. That might be twice a day and it might have been not once all day.

I knew there were places I could improve. 

When I was doing project management, I was a firm believer in defining an MVP, minimally viable product, and then expanding upon it. In this way the MVP was a smaller project that met the core needs and could be released to add the most necessary upgrades as fast as possible. 

With that in place, the next most important priority would be addressed in the next release. This process would then be repeated until the contract requirements were met. Often as it was worked through items initially deemed critical turned out not to be so critical and new features or functionalities replaced them.

I was my new project to work on. So where to start?

I first did a very informal gap analysis – what did I have, what did I need, and what did I want?

The what did I need question reminded me of Maslow’s Hierarchy. 

This approach fundamentally states that an individual must meet basic needs of survival prior to being concerned with other things. Once basic needs are met, one desires safety. With safety in place the pursuit of achieving esteem and then actualization can occur.

The next big question for each was why?

What was my why? Who was I and who did I want to be? 

Important questions, but in following Maslow, I had to first consider my status related to Needs and Safety.

Again, using a modified Maslow as a basis. In needs I included: Food, Shelter, Clothing, and Literacy, I will refer to these as components.

I believe these are critical for survival in today’s world.

We need enough nourishment and liquids in order to not die. We need some form of shelter to protect our body from the elements. We need basic clothing to belong in society (indecency laws) and we need to have basic literacy in order to exist within society.

In the Safety level of the hierarchy there is Physical Health, Property, Income, and Insurance

Physical Health includes having an intentional diet (planned and calculated) and an exercise routine (what type and how often).

Property is where you live, which can be owned or rented and if you have a vehicle (this will also be contingent on where you live)

Income is how you receive money to pay for items. This can be through employment, unemployment or other means.

Insurance protects you both from unfortunate situations such as a healthcare incident, damage to your property or vehicle, and in retirement provides income to ensure you continue to meet needs and desired safety levels. 

This would include Home, Auto, Health, Medical, Dental, and Vision as well as, having a 401K, Pension, and Social Security.

Following the divorce I had the house (bought out her half), but gave up one of two vehicles (both were gifts from my parents and titled in my name only), and 75% of my two pensions.

My position in the school district was close to home, so no commute and I could walk if necessary. It provided stable work and fixed hours, which allowed for supplemental work if desired. The school had health, dental and vision plans as well as a pension.

So from a base level I wasn’t doing bad, but the pay was paycheck to paycheck at best.

I would need more income. I didn’t want to work for work’s sake. If I was going to work it would be meaningful for me.

I realized that I had to pull what I then viewed as disparate parts of myself together into a singularity in order to find my true self and be able to live a more authentic life.

In doing this I was looking to find my why?

Lesson Learned

You do need to plan your life to an extent. I don’t think it needs to be confining, but instead take a broad approach and narrow it little by little all the while closing in on your goal. As Baltasar Gracian said, perfect yourself daily. Rounding your edges until you become a consumate being.

Your goal is your why. And at that point my why was not clearly defined, it was fuzzy and needed clarity.

Question to consider

Do you know your ‘why’? Is it succinct? Can you rattle it off if asked? Would other people understand it immediately?

Preview

In my next post Seeing What is Not There, I’m going to address the last day I had a drink, my week in the hospital, and how I seriously started trying to understand my, ‘why’.