The week of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a time when we give thanks for what we have. I knew when I filed for divorce that my daughters would not be happy with me. It weighed heavily on my decision whether to file for divorce or not. Ultimately I did because I felt that my girls would eventually come to realize that this was not a zero sum situation. It was not one or the other at fault, but both my wife and I had done good things and not so good things that led to this point.
They hadn’t come around yet, so Thanksgiving was tough, as were all holidays and special events.
Yet, I was thankful. I was alive. I was more than just alive, I was at a point where from my physical low I was swinging in the opposite direction. My strength wasn’t there, but my will never wavered and my weight was good. Mentally I was sound. Emotionally I was solid. Professionally I had a job that was stable. I hadn’t had a drink since August and never needed to go to any meeting or counseling of any kind to accomplish it.
I had a lot to be thankful for and I was. Gratitude for all that I did had become central in my life.
In looking back at my own life and within that my marriage it was gratitude that played a significant role. Following my divorce as I studied positive psychology and learned more about character strengths, I learned that what I value and what ranked high in self-assessment was gratitude, along with hope and love of learning.
It never mattered to me what other people had, for that had no impact on me. I was happy for them. Did it matter to me how they got it? No. Did it mean I was doing something wrong because I didn’t have it, too? No, maybe I didn’t want it. Maybe it wasn’t a priority.
I’ve always been confident in doing things based on what I value and not how I am perceived based on what I have by others. This was a problem in my marriage, because things I did not deem to be important, my ex-wife did. Over time desires became expectations and when acquired they went unappreciated.
I was determined after filing for divorce that a core aspect of my contentment was based on being grateful for everything I had.
I began journaling to support this and constantly remind myself of the good things that surround me. I use three templates on a daily basis and one more as a weekly retrospect.
The templates help because I don’t have to think about what to journal, I have prompts to follow and because I use the same prompts, I can compare entries over time. Two of my three journals are one and done in the morning. The third I update throughout the day so I don’t miss small things I might not remember if I waited until nighttime to record.
The approach works because it is simple, repetitive, and provides guidance to me based on past experience, while locking in on the present.
Daily Goal Plan. I create small daily goals in the areas I’m most interested in. For me: my Health, my Career, my Relationships.
Daily Journal. I update this throughout the day so I don’t forget ‘small’ things. What happened, and then at the end of the day before bed: What did I learn? How do I feel?
Daily Gratitude. Today I am grateful for: List three items; List three good things that happened yesterday and why they were good; and Today I will spread kindness by…
Retrospect & Planning (Weekly). I ask myself how I am doing related to Mind/Body, Spirit, and Material. I ask what significant events happened last week? I ask what I accomplished last week? I ask what I learned last week? Most of these are already answered in my daily entries so I simply look back to refresh my memory. Then, I ask what my top priorities are for the coming week.
This works well for me because I like writing and it is short and quick. There is no time to make an excuse to not do it. On days I don’t do this right away, I feel off until I get it done. Generally right after journaling I look at my calendar and make sure I’ve accounted for time to accomplish the daily goals I’ve identified.
Question For You
Do you journal? What is your approach? How has it helped you?
Lessons Learned
There are many small things that lift me throughout the day and many I would forget by evening if I didn’t jot them down as they happened. These plus the more memorable things keep me in a very positive frame of mind and I believe this shows through in my interactions with others. Paying it forward so to speak.
Ross Raymond Nunamaker 