Resilient Seeker Coaching | Ross Raymond Nunamaker

When I introduced the Resilient Seeker Series (TRSS) I wrote, “My intent is to share what happened to me, what I did about it, and how you may be able to incorporate some of what worked for me into your own life.” Each week over the past 40 weeks, I reflected back and my final weekly post was on New Year’s Day, and I discussed my 54th birthday.

There were three principal reasons for doing this. First, I wanted to intentionally review what I was doing, how I was living, and whether it was working for me. Second, I wanted my daughters to know how I was doing (after my divorce we have not spent time together). Third, I wanted to document how the Life Compass Alignment worked for me as an example for others who want to try my approach on their own, or with me to coach them through it.

What Did I Learn?

I learned a lot about myself. I also learned that there are some things so ingrained in society that it is really hard to ‘break’ societal pressure. 

I had used myself as a guinea pig for my Resilient Seeker Coaching whose goal is to allow an individual to “live a life well-lived.” To understand if I was living a life well-lived, I addressed the following questions at the end of 2025.

Who Am I?

This was my end of 2025 statement: “I am a lover of learning for the sake of the journey of exploring life on an immaterial basis.”

My initial answer was a long description of things I am and like to do, but it was not succinct, nor explain who I was. Boiling things down seems to work better in hindsight, but the long description was better than saying I was what I did, my job.

What Do I Want?

When I started I set this as my definition of what I wanted. “I want to be content: to have gratitude for all the experiences and possessions I have based on my past; to appreciate and feel whole in the present, while pursuing growth; and to have hope for a flourishing future.”

I’m still good with this and don’t see where I would want to expand or clarify. I address my core values and what my focus is related to time.

Why Do I Want This?

My original why was, “I want my life to be meaningful in accordance with my values.”

While simple in statement, this does require understanding what you value. You can identify what character traits you value and you can test for your character strengths. 

I am good with this statement as well.

Am I Living a Life Well-lived? 

“When in the present I am living in alignment with my values, expressing gratitude for all that I have, engaging in my love of learning, and remaining hopeful regardless of circumstances.”

This statement is my explanation of a well-lived life for me. The key, or measurement, is contentment. 

Contentment is having and being grateful for ‘enough’ and savoring the moment to moment journey of life, not merely the act of reaching the end.

I was finding contentment by doing the things I valued and I savored doing them for the simple sake of doing them.

How did I come to the point of doing this on a regular and on-going basis? Each day I put myself in the right frame of mind and reminded myself to do four simple things:

• Smile
• Say, Hi!
• Be Polite
• Be Positive

At at the end of the day, I started asking myself these questions to determine if I am doing what I need to do in order to live well:

• Did I prepare myself for success (get the nutrients and sleep I needed)?
• Did I get in physical activity (10k steps, indoor bike, or racquetball)?
• Did I read, write, research and think creatively?
• Did I build a relationship (engage in a social activity)?

Why these questions?

These are good simple things that make life worth living and result in living a life well-lived for me.

And then I found myself being concerned if I was productive enough? How much did I accomplish? Was I working toward my goals?

Why? Why did I have these concerns? More than concerns, there was guilt that I wasn’t being productive enough or not following through on my goals. I wasn’t reaching a finish line. Was I giving up? Quitting? Not fulfilling my potential? Was I being lazy?

Or was there a flaw in my thinking and my approach? My original approach was to have SMART Goals and that aspect I’ve relaxed and modified. I can’t remove them in all instances, but I can in some.

Why would I want to remove goals? That line of thinking is not being content with enough, that is wanting and wanting is counter to contentment.

My mental engagement is often satisfied by my book projects. If I am working toward its completion, why do I feel I need to work faster? Does going faster remove the pleasure and lessen the satisfaction? It probably does, but how long can one work on something without finishing?

I do want to finish it and I have a rough timeline in my head, but I’m not going to push and turn what I enjoy into a chore or work I’d rather not do. And yet, I feel guilty for not putting more time in or being more productive. This is an external, societal pressure that is applied to all of us about everything.

It is about wanting. We are a society of want. Wanting is counter to enough, because one ultimately always wants more and can never be satisfied. When one achieves what one wants there is a temporary boost in satisfaction and happiness, and then it goes away and a new goal is set.

The goal is the focus and not the journey. Often as the individual and circumstances change and the goal does not, there is a let down at the end. For instance, if a person wants to earn $5k per month and after two years of hard work achieves it, they may find the amount they desired no longer meets their expectations as the cost of living has increased or their perspectives  have changed and now they want more.

Considering I’m being intentional and recognize my understanding of contentment is having enough, why do I still feel this way? Because society has been telling me to be that way for 54 years.

In rethinking, I believe goals are good for Safety and Survival, but they need to be a hybrid of want and enough. There is a minimum we all need to survive, and this is based on both internal and external realities. Safety is more discretionary. There are external influences, but these can be tempered through internal recognition of what is enough once one surpasses survival. 

The next area, Purpose is where you should try to eliminate want and remain solidly in the enough space.

For the Life Compass Alignment Framework, you then have Safety and Security and you have Purpose. Each has Internal and External influences and you measure them in terms of Enough or Want.

The Challenge of Enough

If you pursue enough without having met internal needs there is a fail. Your enough must at least meet the needs. Alternately, if your enough is to pursue wants based on external expectations that do not align with your particular values, there will be an internal disconnect.

Purpose is a lifelong pursuit. It is why you exist. Purpose is tied to life. Without life there is no purpose because there is no being to have it. With life that has no purpose, there is no reason for life. This is why we seek to understand our purpose in life and desire to live it once we do.

Aligning the purpose of your life with how you live life defines your overall well-being. The more closely aligned the better your well-being, the further apart, the worse off your well being becomes.

With the inclusion and understanding of enough it has become clearer to me to what extent I am living a life well-lived.

I am meeting my Survival and Safety for the most part. There are areas for improvement, but there are no areas causing significant stress or anxiety. My Purpose is clear and my measurement of Enough is easy for me to understand. My four questions address being positioned for success, being physically active, being mentally active, and building relationships.

To do these things on a daily basis is living a well lived life for me. I’m glad to say I’m doing that as I enter 2025 and believe as a result I am being the best version of myself that I have ever been.

As I was getting ready to review this before posting, I came across and shared this post by Pope Leo XIV that very well sums up how I’m approaching things, “Let us not waste our time and energies chasing after appearances. Rather, let us learn from John the Baptist to remain vigilant, to love simplicity, to be sincere in our words, to live soberly, and to cultivate a depth of mind and heart.”